# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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