It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
