I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
