Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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