And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
