he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
