i may or may not be watching the land before time
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
