I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
