It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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