It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
