Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
