so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
40s are totally the cure
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
