So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dear god my vagina.
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