Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I supernannyed him into submission
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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