So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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