New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
