yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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