my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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