D3 body, D1 cock
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
