my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
