my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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