North Korea, Best Korea!
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
