I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
