TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
