the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
