The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
