That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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