I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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