sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
