I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
try to milk me bitch
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