Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
