do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
