Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
