I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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