Kiss
Puke
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
