took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
