Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
