My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
