Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
