I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
