and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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