when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
