If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
is that a dick in a sweater?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
