we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
