Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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