He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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