Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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