These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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