Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
