I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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