me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
